I want what you want…please know there is no hesitation in me when it comes to you. Do not feel you can’t approach me, I have nothing but love for you and whatever hurt you feel you have caused, has been resolved and no longer.

I love you…


Vapid Skies


Breaking down the mental places we occupy our time with. Not seeing the real value in the acts we carry with us during the day. Never will I walk down the path you are corroding with your lies. The life instilled in me drains into a pool of gravitated memories. Never ending the rage that burns within, the coal in my chest continues to burn, slowly, at a rate of no return. I found the soaked rags that fill the cave of your chest and within them was nothing, no heart to be found. You dream of the days you can awake from the slumber you are in but the truth is, your life is swarmed around vapid skies and you will continue to live in this circled nightmare you created. I have cut the cords to our past and future and will not return to you. Along with the vapid skies you live in, your heart, and soul are just a vapid as the brain you thrive in.


Painted Hearts


Brushes and canvas of the heart are simple realms to live in but we know the truth behind each beat that we find in our chest. There is an illusion that we live in so we can survive the day. We paint the flesh so we can hide behind the mask that was created by the one that shattered the soul we are piecing back together. It’s not completely fair what is handed to us but that is what we are given in this life. A canvas of hurt, pain, and anguish that we are supposed to divide out and smear onto the heart we have painted into our lives. Don’t despair my love, the heart you see on the flat surface of your chest does not mimic the one that beats firmly in your frame. Relinquish the hold on the brush that you continue to soak with your blood of tears and allow the fear you are firmly gripping drip from the mangled life you are living. Freedom rings through the art we are facing daily. You will no longer see the dried paint because I am laying a fresh layer down for you. Glide over the past and find the peace I have painted for you now…I love you way to much to let the painted heart upon your chest to continue to decay and turn black. Your flesh is vibrant  and waiting to break free from the hell you are living.



I pushed

You pulled

I loved

You needed to heal

Our worlds are spinning in different rhythms but will collide in a motion of we never felt would happen but always wanted. The momentum of our lives rotating around a place we can no longer stand is what keeps the forces of life in the swirl we both are in.  I know you are skeptical and even think I am crazy but I know that one day you will see that the fate carved out of the fear you have now is what you have always been looking for.

Open the Soul

I sleep to much…I sleep to dream of you and the world I crave. There is nothing in this life that is worth drowning out except the voices that drag me into this hell I live each day with the distance you bring. I will slumber my life away to feel the doubt and numbing pain disappear into the dream state I am creating. There is no reality anymore there is only the place I live, my heart, why, because you are there. I will conquer anything with you by my side but I know that time is on my side too, I am waiting for you the divine to reign down on me with the angelic love you are passionately creating for me. I know this, I dream this, I am told this…I miss you more than you can imagine, oh I know you can feel it too. You miss me just as much, there is an ache that we both feel deep in the depths of the world that we both live in. Slumber for me…you in the motions of life. Not feeling like there is a place for you. You will get out of that feeling…soon my dear you will feel what you have been waiting for. A wake from your dream state and a healing heart waiting for the touch of reality that you have been longing for. Since the day you were conceived, we both saw each other ripped from the grasps we had on the soul we are seeking. It may have taken years even lifetimes for us to find each other but my love we have found each other and I am not going to waste another second without you in my heart or by my side. I know you need time and that is what I am giving because in all of this we both needed the time we have had to spend apart doing what we are supposed to be doing. Healing, healing from a past that has crippled us to a core of non-existence. Believe me, I know what you are going through, not the same depths but I feel your pain and the existence you are trying to put behind you. But know on the other side waits for you a life of love, hope. and true existence. I love you and will always love you, no matter what you decide in this life, because that is all I know, love…this world is not long for the separation we share and I know that time will bring us together into a world affair that will never see a slumber again.

I love you Shawn…

The swing


Sweet nooses firmly wrapped around a limb. A stationary place to let life pass me by. A waiting place created for you. I sit and wait and bask in the sun and feel the breeze upon my face. Until that day when grace walks up behind me and pulls at the rope I firmly grip. To lovingly pull me back, to turn my face and find the lips I’ve longed to kiss. A slight push and pull as I glide through the air. A smile upon my face and your whisper in my ear.  To feel your hands slightly push me and pull me back in to you. To feel your heart beat in rhythm with mine. One day will I no longer long for that smile, that kiss, that touch, but until then I will sit here on my swing, feeling my world change, letting myself be free, waiting for that day when your love propels me into the journey we have craved for. One day all will be right in the world as the nooses we grip become the home we seek.

Motionless In White


In a world so fucked up, it is comforting to find something that has meaning. One thing I try to find is a band or music that I can relate to. I am always going through phases of music. I have done the alternative rock, country, 90’s, 80’s, Christian of all sorts and now, I feel I have found what I was always meant to hear…Motionless In White. They are a metal band. I never thought I would be listening to metal but when you find someone that is so beautiful and can influence you into anything, yes anything, you listen, and that is what I did. I went through some bands that were suggested to me and through that I found one of the greatest bands I have ever heard, Motionless In White.

I started following them on Instagram as trying to get followers for my page. They one day posted a picture and video for their newest video, “Voices.” I watched it and was instantly in love. Not only the music but also the lead singer, Chris, oh man, he is oddly hot. That is not the point of my story…Ryan too mmmmmm…OK back on track here. They have a good mix of screaming and vocals that really do make a great combination of music. I have spent the last month or so listening to them daily. Their videos are artistically pleasing also. They draw you in, just as much as the music does. They have made an impact on my life in a few ways.

I have learned that I have to find peace being by myself and in doing that I have found out how to be happy. I did that, I learned that I just need to stay self entertained with pieces of me that I have been missing for so long in my life. I found them through writing and music. Their song “Necessary Evil,” though about the worlds treatment of others, I found myself enjoying the song and finding happiness. Not through the content but the sound, the words, the voice, yes, I love Chris’ voice. That to me is key, if I can love the voice, the face, the music just falls into place for me.

Yeah I know I am rambling this is something I wanted to get out. Music is my rehab right now while I am in a “waiting” period of my life and that is OK with me. I am content with myself and I am writing from the soul to get through the moments I am not OK with. If you are even in need of a new band, check out Motionless In White. They are loud, they are Gothic, they are talented, and they have something to say if you pay attention.

Some of my personal favorites are, “Sinematic,” “Eternally Yours,” “Necessary Evil,” “City Lights,” “570,” “Unstoppable,” and “Creatures.” They have so many more but I get obsessive and will only listen to the same ones over and over until my ears are bleeding or I have had enough.

Sealed Fate


In a moment of silence, it was seen. The fate of my existence was sealed with the truth of my heart. I can’t go back to before that moment but only move into the space created for me. I felt the emotions of a love so deep, I never felt it like I do now. I knew I loved you but not like this. A face of age and beauty. A face that captured my heart. You know that before we met, we sealed this fate with a love so deep, neither of us could have imagined what we are about to endure. I will accept all the ups and downs to this life in order to feel this love 10 fold. I send it through my energy, I feel it through yours. We can’t explain it but I feel it and I would not let it go for anything in this world. My heart is light and full of love. I have forgiven all the past and will capture our life and love into a jar knowing I am about to seal our fate. Together in a jar of hearts thriving as one in a world so cold we will never feel anything less than each beat that was made for each other.

Anchored Rage


The fuel on this fire is catastrophic. You brought in the wrong pieces of life when you came to me and now I’m in no mood to douse the flames. Burn them to the core and sever your throat. I will not accept anything less than the shit I gave you. I will not allow you to push me into this anchored rage, it was let go months ago. You showed me the face of hell with the shit you bring in and for that, I am so thankful to know that I am on the other side and can move past the issues you have in your head. You want to feel wanted, well now, the want and desire I gave you in the moments we shared are now burned to ashes like the rest of the men who whispered desires in my ear.

Heist of Hearts


The theft of my heart was not taken lightly and neither was yours. Cloaked in black, the shadowed fate was exposed to the world in one spoken word. The tragedy was not that it was stolen but that it was not savored by the past warm bodies.  You are worth the time, space, and disruptions I have endured. I have healed wounds and stopped the hemorrhaging of my life. Nothing wasted…nothing lost…everything found in this heist of hearts. Cracked, scarred, torn, and beaten, this life is going to push us to the brink of non-existence. It will drag us down into a pool of hurt not fit for human consumption but know it’s what has to be done. All the words said were forgiven before they were ever spoken. It’s part of the passage, it’s part of the path, it’s part of the rebirth. Your heart is safe with me. I will keep it beating, soft, and red. I will never whisper words of ill into it but only worlds that are vibrant and radiate love. One day you will see the heist we are on will be all apart of the story we are writing.

Escape Artist


Angled sunlight comes through the shadow cast clouds like shards of broken glass. Thoughts of muted hate dissolve into pieces of surrendered passion. Our yesterday always turns into our tomorrow. I can no longer see you or hear you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t there. I will move forward with the art and intention of happiness. My world may have dissolved but it has not vanished. I have escaped out from under the person you made me but that is no longer. I am now the one that I made myself to be, the one I should have been years ago. Your presence has changed me, it has forever changed me and because of it, I love you. On the eve of your return, reflect on the past, and know all that transpired between us is what made us and brought us here. With whispered fate and transcended hearts, I open my arms draw you close, and love you like it was just the beginning.

New Beginnings


The lines that divide are the ones that we hide. We don’t see the fear that is laid out before us. Our heart chambers are clogged with hate. Why would I allow you to continue this damaged fate? Dragged through dimensions we do not speak of and lives we do not wish to remember. A council of faces to keep us straight, I do not wish to see you elsewhere.  Forgive and forget, I will regret that fated day. Do I want to be dead in your eyes, never. Do I want to thrive in your arms, forever. I have forgiven the past and will never speak of it again. To cross the line and start anew is where I stand. As I extend my hand, capture my heart, and hold to your ear. The words I whispers are the ones you long to hear.