My Dearest One,

Two months ago I could write pages about you and how I felt. Today that is hard to do. You left me sitting here in my own thoughts, wondering what just happened. We went through a lot, we shared the darkest parts of each of us, we bared our souls to each other. We became closer than any two people could get. I thought you were who I was searching for my whole life. I thought when you said you loved me, you meant it.

Two weeks ago you abandon me. No real reason was given, no real answer to why. I have always thought I was the problem. I always thought, “what is wrong with me?” Not here, it is all you. You have issues you need to fix. No one is perfect but you are broken and my healing wasn’t the remedy.

I spent many days in anguish, in pain, in misery over you, but not this last time. I felt different and still do. Yes, my love, I miss you terribly. Don’t get me wrong, I ache for you still. My love is real, was yours?

We came together for a reason, I got the strength to change my life from you. You showed me that I am worthy of happiness, you showed me, I am beautiful. You showed me in a twisted way, I am loved. You showed me there is more to this life than what I have going on.

I do understand why you left me.  You left me with a healing heart aching for the love I have been missing. You left me torn and broken. You left me sad and dying inside…you left me.

Now you ignore me. I know why too. We are so attached and so sinful that we need to separate. I know how easy it for us to get caught up in each other’s lusts. I still think about you and our time together. It may be in the past but it’s still fresh and raw for me.

I loved you with all my heart. I still do. Now at this very moment, I shed my first tears for you since you left. It hurts…it hurts a lot. I don’t know that I have truly loved anyone like I do you.

You can’t control who you fall in love with or the timing it all happens in. I just wish life was different than it was. Timing, location, freedom, and us. Life is not fair.

I am starting a new chapter in my life. It’s going to be a hard and emotional one. I wish you were here to pull me through it, but I know you won’t be.  That kills me the most.

I hope you can forgive me. I had to get out from under your hold. I had to do something that would hurt the least. I do have the power to destroy you but I didn’t. I didn’t because I LOVE YOU. Sometimes I don’t show it well. That is because I am broken and twisted.

Time will heal me. Time may bring you back. Only God knows. Please know, it wasn’t all for nothing. It was all for a good cause…me.

Please take care of yourself and always know, when you are sad, when you are lonely, when you are at your lowest point,  I am here for you and I love you unconditionally.

Forever yours,




I’m sitting here, my soul bursting into tears. I miss you so much and I dont know why. You abandon me after hours of spilling our hearts and souls out to each other. What spooked you into leaving? I dont understand it all…you said you loved me but this is not how you show someone you love them. I hurt for you…I ache for you…I am sad for you. I miss you terribly…it is sinking in now. I need you…you are the only one who can soothe this pain. Come back to me my love…i am lost without you.


You left me here…alone…wondering. How can anyone spend as much time as we did together then walk away like nothing happened.

Big changes are coming…because of you, I am strong and ready for a new chapter…a new life.

No tears…


This time, there were no tears…a heaviness in my chest but no tears. I think because of that, my body is breaking down now. I hurt all over, I physically hurt because I can no longer be emotionally attached. I tried to cry, I really did, but no tears came. Our bodies are a funny thing when we can’t grieve in one way, it takes over in another…Not sure what all this means. Have we just had so many breakups that I know this isn’t it or am I just done? Questions, I just don’t have an answer for…confusion is what follows me now.

No, I am not happy, I do know that, I know that my thoughts are still flooded with you but I know that I am not happy or sad. I’m in limbo…in a stand still waiting…wondering. What is going on with all of this…what does God know that I don’t? The right side of my body is in full pain…I miss you!



I lost my best friend…many people come and go in my life but none like you. You were my best friend, you are my best friend. I can tell you everything and I don’t hold back. You know the darkest parts of me…no one knows these things about me. NO ONE…you are now the keeper of my secrets and I am the keeper of yours. Apart we will be fine but there is nothing better us together. I know that we have to work on ourselves…that is so very clear but I hope in the end when we are whole, we can find each other again.