My Dearest One,
Two months ago I could write pages about you and how I felt. Today that is hard to do. You left me sitting here in my own thoughts, wondering what just happened. We went through a lot, we shared the darkest parts of each of us, we bared our souls to each other. We became closer than any two people could get. I thought you were who I was searching for my whole life. I thought when you said you loved me, you meant it.
Two weeks ago you abandon me. No real reason was given, no real answer to why. I have always thought I was the problem. I always thought, “what is wrong with me?” Not here, it is all you. You have issues you need to fix. No one is perfect but you are broken and my healing wasn’t the remedy.
I spent many days in anguish, in pain, in misery over you, but not this last time. I felt different and still do. Yes, my love, I miss you terribly. Don’t get me wrong, I ache for you still. My love is real, was yours?
We came together for a reason, I got the strength to change my life from you. You showed me that I am worthy of happiness, you showed me, I am beautiful. You showed me in a twisted way, I am loved. You showed me there is more to this life than what I have going on.
I do understand why you left me. You left me with a healing heart aching for the love I have been missing. You left me torn and broken. You left me sad and dying inside…you left me.
Now you ignore me. I know why too. We are so attached and so sinful that we need to separate. I know how easy it for us to get caught up in each other’s lusts. I still think about you and our time together. It may be in the past but it’s still fresh and raw for me.
I loved you with all my heart. I still do. Now at this very moment, I shed my first tears for you since you left. It hurts…it hurts a lot. I don’t know that I have truly loved anyone like I do you.
You can’t control who you fall in love with or the timing it all happens in. I just wish life was different than it was. Timing, location, freedom, and us. Life is not fair.
I am starting a new chapter in my life. It’s going to be a hard and emotional one. I wish you were here to pull me through it, but I know you won’t be. That kills me the most.
I hope you can forgive me. I had to get out from under your hold. I had to do something that would hurt the least. I do have the power to destroy you but I didn’t. I didn’t because I LOVE YOU. Sometimes I don’t show it well. That is because I am broken and twisted.
Time will heal me. Time may bring you back. Only God knows. Please know, it wasn’t all for nothing. It was all for a good cause…me.
Please take care of yourself and always know, when you are sad, when you are lonely, when you are at your lowest point, I am here for you and I love you unconditionally.