dark depression

I dig my claws into the ground as you pull me towards my demons. I am not safe and you should run. My soul is twisted and black and dying every day. It’s not worth loving me, I am not worth it. Reckless and dying daily. The heavens above placed me on this earth to be a wandering soul. Never to be happy and forever searching for someone like you. The someone like you exists because it is you,  but I’m not allowed to touch you. I will spend every day of my life in anguish wishing for you.  I will just die a thousand times. My life will shatter into a million pieces more. I will turn to dust,  to be forgotten, I blow into the wind and never heard from again.



You like tormenting me. Don’t waste your prayers on me. I am not worth the breath you will breathe to say them. You have made it clear with your mentally shattering bombs that I am no one. Day after day you pull me close and then you drag me down. The torment once placed on you is now placed on me. You found your freedom through torturing me and it will never be expected that I will find mine as long as you continue.

Death of me…


Yes,  I have thought about it. Slicing the skin, feeling the warmth of life flow from me. Feeling the fading of my mind, feeling my heartbeat slow down, feeling my consciousness go away, feeling everything melt away, feeling my skin grow cold as it sits in the warm puddle of my soul.  My breath shallowing as I search for the last word to you. Slicing through Clarity knowing the only thing that’s clear, nothing in this world is happiness to me.

Letter to God: Rejection

Dear God,

The fact that I am still living and not dead is a form of rejection. The fact that you put him in my life and you you’re going to yank him away from me is a form of rejection. What did I do cuz these aren’t lessons it’s rejection. All I feel is rejection and I’m tired of feeling this misery.  The fact that you’re making me continue this life is a form of rejection. Stop rejecting me and just kill me.


killing me slowly


Chipping away at my heart is killing me slowly…I can’t take much more of this life. I am drained in all areas of my life…there is no relief for me. I am slowly being tortured into an early grave. I will just creep in one toe at a time, submerge myself, and let the decision drown me.


Smelter Demon

YOU BRING TO LIFE THE MONSTERS INSIDE OF ME…they were dormant for years. I was able to supress so much and you woke my deamons.  They are the same ones that tore through my soul and shut me down. They were the ones I was able to quiet and put to sleep with a sweet lullaby.

IN ONE FUCKING WORD you awakened them. Allowing them to tear me up and drag me down into the depths of my haunted soul. They are loud and shrieking daily in my head. I stay awake at night and sing them back to sleep but there is no soothing them.

THERE IS NO HUMANITY LEFT IN ME…I have come to find this because of the deamons that strike at my heart daily. They are shredding it. They are pulling all life out of me. I can not see the light of day anymore. The joy my deamons get in dulling me fules them to continue to wreak havoc on me.

I MOURN ME…I mourn me in a way no one will ever understand. I am not even me any longer. I am a shell of saddness who looks out on the world in wonder. Wonder why the deamons of my heart are they way they are. Wondering am I the only one who has the desire to no longer live a life on this earth with the deamons that claw at my brain.

FORGET ME…they have taken hold and will not let go. There is no slumber for these deamons. They are here to stay for a long time. There is no saving me…

Mental Riots


My mind battles the draining thoughts of every day. I am in a constant riot within myself to make it though each day. I know I have issues, God made me this way, that is an issue. They are my issues and you can go fuck yourself for trying to analyze them.

In Pieces


Shattered into a million pieces

I thought you were here to pull them back together

Instead you stomped them into a million more

The pieces of my life are bandaged together

I am brittle and the bandages will fall off

Each piece that falls away is just another piece of me that dies

My soul is darkening daily

My heart is hardening daily

My life is dying daily

I’m tired of the pieces before me

I refuse to weld them back together

There is no point if I am only going to break again

Shattered and numb, my pieces are now dust, the wind will carry them away so no one can see the hurt, shame, guilt, saddness, upset, or me again.