I started my blog so that I could write out my feelings. I am dealing with some strange things right now in my life. Things I never dreamt would come along. Alot of my postings are about my feelings and what I am going through on a day to day basis. I can tell when I’m not doing well, I will make several posts. The hurt and upset just seems to flow, post after post. The timeing is always bad, I am in the car driving. If I don’t get them out at that time, then I will forget them.
My purpose is to try and heal my wounded spirit. I have had a good life but in the love area, it has been all over the place. I have been married for 17 years this October. Like any relationship, it has its ups and downs. I seem to have more downs lately. With that said, I found someone else, online, but I started an intense relationship with them, and now I’m working my way through that and guiding myself back to God. I need answers about alot of things. Not just my relationship issues but my life. I have and will always be a morose person. I think I am happier when I am sadder. BUT my best work comes out in that saddness. I have been trying to write more positive and upbeat but again, that doesn’t always happen.
The point of my post today is, my purpose here is shallow. My purpose is just for me. Life isn’t all about me but it seems to be right now. I am looking to become me again (tattoo, piercing, and music). I have had the help in doing that, (insert online person), he has been a great help in my life, but he creates confusion, and in that I do have clarity. (side tracked again).
I came across a blog today that was about giving those who don’t have a voice, a voice. I try to be a good person but I know there are more people out there who are better than me. Who humble themselves to make sure others come first. I should be more like these people, more like Jesus.
In my current journey with prayer, along with answers, I will be asking to be more like Jesus. To evolve my heart into something that is more meaningful and less selfish. I do want to be a better person, someone who is more like Jesus and less like the world that has gotten a hold of me.
So through all the mess and rambling of my post, I commend those who write with a purpose. Write to make the world a better place. Write to improve our surroundings. Write to show the world, there is more out there than just the crap you see on TV. I know there is a force working in me to make sure that I am aware of the world around me. As I pray, I feel guided to focus on everything greater than me. It will take some time but I know it will get there.