Recollection of Sunless Days

Trafficking souls in a world of denominational hurt. Struggling to breathe in a world where the air is thin. Denying the fantom truth from a life that doesn’t live up to the fragments they have been handed. Not able to piece together a solid frame of time. Liquifying the memories of a world that was never real. Living through a glass of illusions. Passing through to the other side. Not once did I seek the existence of a path that was meant for me to travel. Raging along the recollection of my brain to find a knowing that was divided into moments that held a vacant sky. The night no longer carries the dreams that I was promised. The day’s sun is just burning fire in my vapid heart’s desires. Drained of all my essence, I struggle to reach beyond the abyss I have fallen martyr to. Pumping my lungs full of medicinal light. Line by line I begin to read a method of a soul that no longer expresses the hope to breathe. Tragic as it can be, no one will see, all that remains are the moments that were forgotten by me.

Ashes Rain

Paraded among the weeds my heart begins to die. There’s something shallow within you that begins to torture this soul of mine. Ashes raining and choking out my spirit as I quietly lay here in the anguish you gave me. Try as I might, I am not this dying decaying soul that you made me. The church bells are chiming and calling me home as I lay here blissfully aware of your dying soul.

Killing Fields

The tears of blood red pain freely fall from my eyes. Staining my life with torture. Tempted to end it all, I begin to scrape up the pieces left of me. A dark shadow left to light my path, I use the few shards left of my soul to light my way. A trial of anguish is my sentence. Disaster occurs at ever twist of the knife you left in me. Remaining in a pool of death, I crawl out and see the hell that was left for me. Sullen eyes and vacant thoughts pull me into a place of nothingness.

The night is when I see my hope of you dwindling into nothing. My days are when the sun casts the shadow of what you left behind on me. I am my only thought now. I am the last of useless fate. I am all that remains after the hopeless spoken words were left for me. You are the noose of my very existence and would never let it tighten its grip again around my life again. As much as you want to see me to dwindle, I will scorch you with my fire and leave you in my ashes.

Casting a new mold for my existence, my soul will melt each piece of itself into a new light. The open wounds of bleeding misery will continue to drain me. I will walk into a guided realm of my doing. Leaving behind all that I knew. Leaving behind all that I see. I will find this journey of the unfamiliar will now take place, allowing me to finally come to a home that only existed in me. Laying down my broken heart, I will bandage it with the secrets of tomorrow and begin to feel the only truth I know. This desolate life you gave me is not longer my being. Uncageing my rage upon the worry that surrounded me, I will begin to notice the vanishing footsteps of misery.

Chaos and tranquility begin to form in the hollow walls of my brain. The pieces of you start to fade. I now live in each breathe that I formed, knowing you are dead. My beating heart is viable again and bleeding red. I formed a being of captured youth and swallowed it dry. With each passing day the warmth begins to rise. My shadow casts a soul of brilliance. I am the diamond you shattered. I am the one you crushed. The one you left behind was dying and I am the one that pulled me out of the devoured existence I swam in. Each day all will begin to see, I am the one who shines, I am the one that burns, I am the one that lives, and you were the one that killed me.

Dark Whispers of the heart

Whisper your darkest secrets into my ear. Invade my soul with what you have inside of yours. Your darkness is my weakness. My light is yours. Twisted in a truth that brought us colliding into a world of disbelief. My soul recognized you upon the first glance of your heart. Every beat beckoning me, pulling me in, craving you. There is a tide of change the pulls us in and out of time we share. One that is always solvent in the heart and minds of those who are cradling the fear of existence. Trying as it might be, relish in this moment, and know that what is creeping into my heart is the bloodshed of an evolving beating organ. I will no longer devour the one that stands before me but sweep you into my soul, envelop you into my thoughts, and know that each night as it cast its spell, we will see, the whispered words of yesterday are the heart’s desires of today.

Missed Appointment

I am missing the vibrant life that once lived in me. Now A heart cratered by your disappearance. There is anguish that lives in my soul while it crumbles to dust. Deceased fears are consuming every thought. I am here in the vast darkness wringing my life dry of this hurt that you once gave to me. I will no longer begin to feel the time that was captured and caged. Nothing stops anymore. Nothing is daunting. I am here to seek a truth that has drowned in my self-hate. Nailed to my cross, I will see, the soul that left this earth was not the life that was granted to me. Into the ether I will cast my soul, on top of shamed raged I will hide. You seek me out in order to bury me in the dust.  Hollowed frame and shattered heart, blue in love, and sad fate. I am no longer yours to torment…I now belong to the silence that I create.

I died today

I died today…a death worse than the one that will end my life…words spilling over to show me the lies. The fate of my time is no longer with you, it is the path I spent my last days on. You speak what I want to hear, you mirror my desires because it’s what will appease me. I am no one to you and I never will be…out of millions I am still the same…a faceless person in a group of millions. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I knew that what I felt was wrong, I knew what I wanted wasn’t you but the attention I lacked. I am decaying slowly…I am dying a death of a thousand fates…there are many reasons why I need to walk away and many that hurt more…same cycle, different game. That is all I am to you, a game to fill your time with…there is no truth in what you say and if you say there is, you are lying to yourself. I feel ashamed, I feel alone, I feel like I wronged my only love…myself. No one will ever love me…no one will ever see the person before them is the one that is meant to be.

Not there

The loss of you is the loss of me. The hurt in you is the hurt in me. I crumble to the existence that I am left with. No longer am I able to grasp a day of your flesh like I once did. Time has traveled over my heart and crushed it to dust. You made it clear the moment you spoke silence to me. I can reach for you and you evaporate into the air. My eyes look for you in a space that holds you close. You aren’t there…what have I done to deserve this tattered soul? What have I done to receive this dying fate…What have I done for you to walk away from me? There is a groove in my heart that is fleeting of space, it housed you once, but it won’t house you again. The moment you said nothing, was the moment you made it clear, I am not a priority and will never be held dear.

Leaving me

Your silence is deafening. You know how to crush a heart that beats deeply for you. The sadness that drips from my eyes are tears of a hell that you did create.  Slicing my veins and allowing life to flow, I will free myself from you. A death so rare, one so meek, I will never be the one you seek. In a quiet I will sit, watching the pale smile fade from my face. Clouded by death, I will continue to let go and say good bye. I will no longer expect a word from you, nothing left to give, I will watch my fate turn into something more. Excavating a new organ from a being. I will invade this time. Shadowed by the past and freeing the future, you can sink into your own space and soon you will see, the life you left made a happier me.

Perfect Color

Just under my skin hides secrets you know nothing about…I am severing my life just below the surface…scattering the contents of my soul all over the black night. Crawling into the catacombs that hold my dying heart…lying next to my beating life and watching it slowly die…slowing down to non-existance…shedding tears for a life no one cared for. Gripping the beating organ and slowly crushing my heart…this is how you made me feel. Nothing left to have inside of me, nothing left beside me, nothing left at all…my life is now escaping me…darkening…the quiet night…the quiet end…all that is left is me. Tragic peace taking hold…life fleeting…skin blueing…heart dying…breath leaving…decaying…death…what a perfect color…on me.

I do

Do you lie awake at night and think of me like I think of you?

Do you lie awake at night and connect the dots of how I am a part of you?

Do you lie awake at night and pretend you don’t love me like I love you?

Do you lie awake at night and wonder where we went wrong?

I think about you like there is no end. I dream of you like you never left. I love you like it never ended. We may have drifted, we may have lost touch, but nothing has changed about how I feel. No matter the distance, no matter the hurt, no matter the conclusions you may think, my heart will always wander back to you.

No Sympathy

The disintegration of my essence happened when you allowed me to gouge and sever my own throat. Not once did you embrace me like you cared. I am deeply convicted into a realm that will bring you to your knees as I walk away with my life dripping from me. You’re days of squandering the trivial pieces of my life are over. I will slip silently into the grave that houses my decaying soul…the soul you shattered with each word you spoke. Downing the everclear that is slowly filling my veins with the rage you seared into me. There is no truth in this life, there is faith in this life, there is no hope…you are dragging me down into a vat of nonexistence and I am done…quiet your mouth and breath this in…your are the hell that this world created and I will douse you out with my disappearance. Don’t think for one second I even cared…I didn’t and you will see that as I slash my life to pieces and leave you holding my remains.

Impaired

A symphony of sounds placates my head at night. You think the most you have to give is the least of your worries. I have not once recalled the moment you walked away from me, creating a silence so deep my soul cracked in a way no one can fix. Don’t think for once my survival was created by you. I am the reason I am here. I am the reason you are gone. Shoveling the words you spoke to me into the black hole of misery you swarmed me with. I do not seek the tragedy you spewed at me daily. You are the one traveling in the misery you shaped through the time we created on a planet that no longer travels the sun. In the hour you see me releasing the violent era we shared you will see, the one you created is no longer me.

Still of the Night

In the quiet of the night, I listen for your beating heart…distance is nothing when I listen for the calm I seek. The stars are lanterns for my soul as I search for the same one you see. Lying still pursuing the air you breathe. Sharing a moment in a place with everything is fleeting. Salvaging time that was wasted but now lost. Becoming one in the creation of the unknown, seeking refuge in the silence that is spoken. Long before the time was granted, we fought through the ashes of a past that left us shadowed by decaying hearts. Beating in a silence that was calling to the other, singing in a rhythm that can only be heard by each other. My dreams of the day are filled with you, my dreams of the night are my desires of you. To feel your warmth next to me will be the truth I have always been seeking.

Bones and Flesh

By the candle light that flickers in your eyes, I can see you crumbling into the ash that you despise. Your heart is gray and your face is pale, deathening…scraping at a soul which never held validity… Over whelmed by an emotionless being… You begin to cage the pieces of you that never existed… Trapped in a world that you created only to find it to be your demise… Shadowed out by the light and sheltered by deafening screams created by the last time you lived in this flesh… Animated beginnings and shallow endings… Harvesting souls that never once came to you For anything more than a high. Your sullen darkening eyes are the reason I survived. The trap you have set will never capture what you are looking for. Choking on the dirt that is in your grave, as you sleep tonight…what you seek will be the very thing you hate.

Cold Slumber

Gathering the souls of the weak, I cage you in a place of least resistance. You thrive on the death of my heart, you love to see it break down into black smoldering ash of a mess that you created. You are the very demon that allowed me to suffer in this shallow world that we created. Traveling through the clouded memories you left me with, I can’t see where you ever said you loved me. I am slowly sinking into a place of cold despair. Reaching for the very hand that tossed me there, you slice my wrist to let my life ribbon out of me. Lying in a grave of darkening days, I will slumber my fate into the hands of a soul who lives solely on fear. Salted life leaving my eyes and I say my last goodbye. I close my eyes, I breathe my last breath, I whisper your name. Collapsing into the silence that has always been the only one there.