Slipping away

Climb inside of me and pump this heart of mine…I’m losing touch with reality…the life I’m living is useless…I am tired and shrinking into the black hole of non-existence. There is no rhythm left to being shackled to an idea that I created in my warped brain of silence. I am at a rivalry with my own thoughts. There is tragedy in each word I say. Collapsing into the shell of existence I was born into, I can’t hold onto the truth that was showered on me as I lie dying. Quietly I seek the shadow that holds out his hand. Gripping a world that is made of nothing, I can overcome this life and fall peacefully into a death that will be my legend. Nothing more to be said, nothing less to be left, at this time I will draw my last breathe and cradle the hand that shrinks me…blue lips…red eyes…pale skin…the colors of peace as I slip into the night that created me.

Letting Go

There is a song that brings the downfall of the hearts that beat in a world that no longer feels the existence of the true meaning of life. It brings us down to the depths of the hell we have purchased when we first found the path we spewed from our veins. Traveling to the destiny that we assigned ourselves when we found each other. Carrying the tune that was never to be spoken again as we search for the light that doesn’t shine. You are the one that stole the torches that illuminate the gravitational pull inside of my brain. I search for you…I close my eyes to hear the siren song that no one sings…the song that guides my heart to yours, the song that will crumble the death that is built up inside of me. The one that violates all sense of origin…severing each limb of scattered thoughts that rummage the grooves of my brain. A faith of blinding hate begins to take over this welded heart of mine. No longer will you have the strength to keep moving…to keep trying. I am the song that no one sings because I am the song that was captured in a jar of shallow desires and buried under the stones that suffocate the grounding light that you snuffed in me. Twirling in the wind, I am now free…a song of the air that everyone will sing…I am the words on the tongue of the few that believe in the eternal light that you blew out. Carried in the gusts of time that will forever travel the galaxy we journey through, no longer will you need to sing my song, no longer will you need to feel, I am dimmed, I am broken, I am not longer real.

I will find a way

I will creep inside your brain tonight and dance in your dreams with you. I will find a groove in your arms and nestle my nose in the crook of your neck. I will find a way to sooth the demons that play games with your heart. I will find a way…I will find a way…I will whisper in your ear while you sleep, so you know I am always near. I will invade your soul and seal the cracks with the love you deserve. I will find a way…I will find a way. I will heal your pain with the glance of the fire that burns within me. I will wipe your tears that fall and kiss your eyes. I will hold your hand and sit with you while you figure it out. I will find a way…I will find a way…my heart bleeds for you…my heart feels the torment that we have both been through…we are cut from the same cloth…we are like no other and through all of the pain…the demons…the hell…I will find a way to heal you, to love you, to be there for you.

The Unattainable

The truth is that a heart bleeding the life of unattainable love is all the fate I live. The tragic pieces of a faceless youth begin to crumble beside the ashes of a love that never had a chance to be attained. Flesh and bones, graves and stones, I lie in the shadow of a lover that never allowed a flourishing effect of life in me. A pale death will overcome the existence of me if I continue to allow the words dissolve in the grooves of my mind. Cold and trembling lying here remembering a moment that kept me feeding my soul’s worth, but it is no longer. In a shallow grave of tormented rage, I begin to slumber my thoughts that created this demon in me. Clawing at a vanquished brain seizing my hell of ribboned life draining from my wrists. Death’s angel guiding me to a place of peace in order for me to see that my life without you is not the life I was promised.  I will close my eyes, place a hand on my scarred heart, and listen for your footsteps to appear. Freeing me of a prison that I created because I knew the existence of you wouldn’t be easy to know and not attain to quest the thurst inside of me.

Disappearance

The slightest change in the tide is sweeping me out to meet the middle of a world that existed in the true density of my mind. I have nothing more to offer you than a heart bleeding in my hand. Grasping at a truth that only rings of lies. I can’t continue to run in a world of trap synchronicities. Escaping a day that began with the death of me. The tragic truth is, I never existed in your world. I was the only one that obtained a love in a realm of eclipsed time. As age begins to drain from me, I continue to sleep in the grooves of your heart. Casting me out into a cold journey that only holds the hope of a tomorrow that was never shed. I will die in the arms of the one who held me dear for the moment we shared in a piece of vacant truth. Sadly I sing my last song and fade into the light that is lacking gravity. I will choke on the blood that is freely flowing from my carnal desire to live in a world you trapped me in. Slipping away, I will let the color dissolve from my face and turn into the pale hate you whispered into my ear as the last breath of life left me.

Withered death

A dimming light of freezer burned hell…choking on the ashes of the dead. Morphing into the demon who has nestled sweetly into my head. Blackening the coursing life in these veins. Traumatized by your very existence. Gathering the strength of my tormented heart to spew its last days. I suffered at your hands, I died at your sight, I slipped away in the night. Cast back into the shadows I will remember this fate…an abyss of rage. I will travel this plane shackled to a body that is numb…numb to a love that never existed…sweetly shut my eyes and stab this heart of mine. It beats without purpose…it beats without time. Thriving on the last words you spoke, I can no longer feel the earth below me. Withering into the shell that once housed a vibrant light. I will let my soul flicker out, for it is by the hands of hell I accepted the life I no longer live.

Day 365

Upon the night sky, the air is filled with the ashes of a life yet discovered. A silence was created with a love that smothered. Creeping into the shackled heart to break it free. A whisper of your name is all it took to conceal my destiny. Quick wit and sharp tongue, you drag me through a forest of caged tranquility. You handed me the key and slipped away into the night faster than you came. Freedom came with a price, your absence. Now I sit here facing a new life with a hole in my chest. You stole my heart the day you left. Beating flesh and memories of a soul that made you fear. I will sit in quiet and wait right here. This life of beckoned heartache sitting still, slumbering a life away, until the day you come back and salvage me from our peaceful tragedy.

Dark heart

I traveled out of the abyss to find you on the shores of this life, craving this dark heart of mine. Trying to escape the entangled rage that we are bound together in. As we pull apart, it tightens the grip it has on us. Pulling us closer together to find a passion we can’t run away from. My lips slightly open and breathless as you continue to smother me under your decayed soul. A noose of silence grips me as you begin to conquer my shadowed heart. Traveling this earthbound body, I begin to scrape at my veins to release the life that is captured within me. Drink me and soothe your pain as I dwindle. The spark you created is now a dimming star among millions… Would you now find me in a galaxy that you threw me into? Why would you? What you once knew, is now a graveyard of scattered hearts…my dark heart will always seek you.  You are the sparkle that can light the sky and illuminate each soul in a way no one else can. Seeking slumber, I pull you close, continuing the tangled web we created with the tragic misconceptions of two souls who only wanted one thing…the love of the other in a world that only holds the collision of lives in a jar of fated peace.

Refracted Pain

As night falls upon us we are cascaded by the stars that stream through the galaxy. Each star stands for the lives we have lived. Together and apart we are searching once again, for that light that shines within.

Through sacred glances I can see, the love of another meant for me. I stand still under the night sky…the chilled breeze screaming at me. Watching the illusion of my life bending under the remaining hell sent to caress this stale heart of mine. Shattered, beaten, and broken, my gaze is fixed on the trama that sinks in me. The life of another tearing at the remaining life breathing within me.

I can no longer feel this life that is draining me. The world that surrounds me is now the one that surrounds the beaconed light on the sea. I slip selfishly into a coma of hurt so I can no longer feel the fate that was given to me. Saddled with the aging destiny that we once shared, I begin to crawl through a tunnel entangled with each lie you told. Stand back and view this world as one you can never hold.  Trembling with the shard in my hand, I slice my skin for you to see, this life you love will now drain from me.

 

You said hello…

A fragrant cascade of tears flow from my life as I sit here shadowed by your lack of evolution. I cradle the last of this life in a dirty hand holding everything that was ever spilled from your heart. Small and useless I bury it in a small canal in my own beating organ.  Your pieces are now my pieces, all you felt is now what I feel. Never will I know the way life should have been, always sheltered by a fate that you created and shoved me into. Why does the hell you show me become home to me. Grasping at a hope that faded with the shallow breath I take as I cover this lifeless body with the dirt of a grave I had to dig myself. Even in death, I am not worth the mourning you should have given me. Sit back and watch this soul decay into a space that only holds a place for the time we never shared. Emotionless in thought and bent like refracting light, I will fill the catacombs in my mind with the shards of hell you threw at me with that first hello.

Shredded

A translucent heart beating colors of faded memories. There is nothing to see as a shadow of lies clouds me. The eclipsed sun parades its death upon my soul. Sealing cracks of the unknown. Never did I see a face of life before me. Gaunt and dark, the being that is me. I live in a shallow plane of life and wander through a piece of time that are the ruins of my past. You are not the one to save me. I am nothing to save. My eyes are cast down into a puddle of fear as the words you say are the ones I need to hear. You drip truth from your veins as the hell you bring engulfs my frame. I sink into the pit of exile as the one thing you do is torture me. You see me exist, you see me dying inside, you see me face the pain of time. Through it all you never see the love that existed was only created by me.

Crushed

The Arctic air blows across my naked skin as I sit here in a world dying around me. The world I created is crumbling around me. I can no longer see because of the distance you’ve driven between you and me. My tears saturate my face as I lie in the dark and trace the places you have been. I gouge out my heart and remove it from my frame. The sadness is greater than the time you took to take care for me. The saddness is more than the time it took to undo me.

A Breath Between…

The truth of tragic sadness encapsulates me into a world without you. Each day is as dark as my nights. There is no room for anyone else in this heart of mine. I sit in a slumber of never waking peace. I call your name in my sleep, I dream of you when I am awake, the haunting of your eyes is the peace I seek. There is nothing more than a few breaths between you and me seeing each other again. My world was dying before I knew you existed, now it’s just a stream of thoughts. I will wait until the air that fills my lungs leaves me, life by life we have sought each other and today we seek again. The love that fills my veins never lived before you. The veil of silence has graced my head as I sit and wait for the very day I can rest my head on your chest and hear the heart, the heart that is beating for me. The absence of you is decaying me. The life I live is fruitless. The love I live is because of you. Take the time you need to gather for battle. This is one we both want to win. A lifelong enduring love that will quiet the world around us and leave them in misery. For all will know that this love does exist, it exists in the life created for you and me.

New Eyes

In the awakening with new eyes, I see something different. I have faith and full accord. I trust you know what is best for us, I gave you that power and I will continue to give that to you. My heart is at peace with you, my life is guided by a gilded light. You, my dear, are the missing pieces to this idle frame of mine. You give me a renewed spirit and time. There is no more worry or idle time. I will vanish into the bliss known as you, with these new eyes I will see nothing but the best in this life. I have you thank for that. You are the reason that the world is coming through clearly and peace is crashing my heart. I have been revived by you sweet scent. A future that breeds a lifetime of happiness, I will sit here in sweet slumber and wait. I know who you are and who you can be and I will never take that for granted. The heart that is beating in my chest is a vibrant piece of you. It beats for you and only you. Time is just a fleeting piece of existence and we have forever together. No longer will I wonder about the ones that surround you as I know my existence will soon meld into yours. Your eyes are haunting my soul in a way that no one else could. I am learning my place and learning my time and in the end, you will become the only piece that was missing from my soul.

Beautiful being you are my sweet one…I will hold you and calm the dragon that has tortured you for so long. There is nothing to fear as I am here to teach you that the only pain you will fear is behind you. Blessed be me as I have found the other half of me in a place unlikely to this world. Blessed be me as I am the one who is graced with the presence of a person so beautiful, I am the one who is unworthy. Blessed be me as the world I crave is the one that is slowly working its way to me. Blessed be me as I am the one who is finally finding completion in a world that only wants to divide up the souls into groups detained by hell. Blessed be me as I found the one person in this world that chose to torture me with the truth I longed to see. Blessed be me as I am the one that has found you…my other half…my love, my life, my future.

New eyes have allowed me to see the world that didn’t exist before you. New eyes have given me a renewed sense of life, purpose, and love. New eyes have given me everything I was meant to see. New eyes have given me a faith in you that I never had before. New eyes have allowed me to travel a plane in this universe that I never thought was possible. New eyes have done everything for me that no one else could…you have given me new eyes, a new heart, and a renewed sense of self.

Thank you…

Drained

I am so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. This morning, I realized, I don’t matter at all in this…all the hearts at stake and mine doesn’t matter. The craters in my soul deepen each day and I allow this to happen. I pray for something to move in my life and instead of up, it’s a continuing downward spiral. I don’t understand all this. What did I do to deserve the punishment I am receiving.

Please, God, move this mountain…out of my heart, off my chest, and out of my mind.

Life is to short to continually feel the way I feel all the time. I want to matter to someone, I want to be happy but it never fails and the world around me smiles while I sit and watch. Drenched in sorrow, I will wait until everyone leaves because that is what everyone does…leaves me.

I have beat myself up my whole life. I have never really felt the warmth of the sun on my face, the moonlight never shines in my eyes, or the wind blows through me. I am numb and will continue this all the days of my life.

For just one fucking day, would someone pretend they care, just one, that is all I am asking.

The catacombs of my heart will remain empty and clueless. I am sewing my heart shut and blinding my eyes to a world that will never exist for me. That was made clear to me. Every day this is made clear to me. I don’t matter and never will…thank you for letting me know. I might have actually fought for something that I thought existed.

I have nothing left to give…I am broken…I am numb…I am over this.