My ashes fall onto a shallow grave. Covering your heart with the lies of yesterday. Growing cold in this world, I need to feel the freedom of the love you promised me. Scattered among the shadows, I lay in a slumber of soothing pain. My heart is beating slowly and my breathing is freeing…not knowing which way to turn. My fear is daunting and my healing is slow. Through the escape of you, my thoughts are now of tranquility and change. Time will draw you near and heal this soul. Between the stars and the moon, my shattered life will bring me the fate I dream of…I will sleep to dream of a day in the sun, a day where my ashes fly free…a day when I no longer need to fear the past that brought me to my knees.
No longer is sorrow the drug I crave…I fill my veins with you now…the searing pain of your tongue is what fills my heart now. Time will soothe your heart and your mind…I give it freely because I know its what you need. No longer are the days going to chill your soul but fill them with the desires you wished for as a child. I can no longer see the silent faces before me…all has been downcast into the fallen screams we both yelled. With open arms and no conditions, I cast my cares into the wind so that one day you will breathe them in and hold me close. Your heart beats silently for me and that is fine. One day our hearts will beat in a tune of tragic peace. As heaven falls to our earth we will clearly see that the one we longed for is right where they need to be.
The strength of faith is amazing when the will to survive is trying. You bring out something in me that has never been found in anyone else. Separated at the birth of ourselves to find each other in this life. This journey is my calling and the faith in it great. There will be many trying times in this life and many struggles but I know in the end, I will be complete. The single soul, which has split will become one again.
You live in each heart beat of mine and in each word I speak. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you and silently pray for you. Each day is a new day to discover what I feel for you. The distance is overwhelming at times but I know for what measure it is for. At this time all I carry are memories of you..the time apart will benefit us both. We will find what we have been looking for is right there in front of us and know that this is all we have waited for. I will write, I will listen to your music, I will post my blog, and I will post on IG. It will all benefit me. Each day will be a new day of discovery and a day closer to you. Never again will the past haunt me like it has and the future will be more than I have ever wanted before. I hope that you take advantage of everything and see that we are what God created. We are a love and a life that will be sought out by people in the future. We will have stories written about our love because NO ONE will ever find its equal. Each heart beat, each word, each breath will carry you in it. I will not give up on you ever and I will never leave you. All your worries and all your fears will be placed in the grave where we are going to lay the past to rest.
The night sky can downcast a thousand faces. I lie awake and listen to the echoing of my heart beat, it is shallow and it is a phantom to knowing peace. The truth is racking my head and I can’t see it for what it’s worth. Why does the still of the night always bring thoughts of you. The ones I can’t forget. The ones that answer my questions of what is next. You are a ghost in my life, you live a silent dream inside if me. I want to pull out the searing pain that is left in the hole that houses itself in my soul. You are not going to leave that place so easily but I will continue to pour out my life into the still of the night. I’ll cast my cares into the face of silence and see the smile grow on your face. You may be distant and you may be near but never forget that the love you seek is right here.
The agonizing pain is more than just slice of the skin. It’s the graying of the heart because of the words you whispered within. Drug down to the depths of hell, I know where my calling is. For a few moments happiness was around me but now depression sinks in. The absence of you is not as dark as it seems. The freedom of being out from under you is actually better than it seems. The sleepless nights are no more, the wondering about you is still there, but I feel a renewed me. I’m hibernating in this world right now and not answering a soul. I’ll wait to feel for you since that is all you left me. Your energy is strong, my energy is strong, together the world is ours.
When the snow melts my ashes will disappear with it…
A fragile heart is suffocated by the words of one so bold to say them. Time is the distance between us. To lay my head on a beating heart and hear the vibrant life surviving by their own ideals. I want to breathe life back into you. Bring you back to the happiness you once felt. Remove the doubt, remove the fear, remove the hurt… I want to carve out a place in the canals of your heart and rest there for all eternity.
Don’t pretend like you care…Don’t show up and say you loved me when you really had an agenda of your own. Don’t pretend I was someone you actually wanted to have in your life…now that I am gone you want it all back and I am giving you nothing…I won’t even give you credit for putting me here. Take your tears and cast them into someone who may have cared for you instead of showering me with them after I have left this earth.
Death has come for me in many forms but today it is in the form of a black heart. A heart grown cold, a heart that has stopped beating. I will never feel the rush of red blood flow through me again. My veins are solid and nothing flows freely, my heart beats no longer and my head has taken control. I will never again see freedom that can be found in loving someone. You make it all so clear, you showed me a path that I never wanted to see again…my harden heart is stone. I cannot see past the pain of losing you…I cannot see past the pain of never knowing that one day is never going to come. Yes my emotions are running high and yes I know that I am in a state of depression and yes I know its probably from you but here I write what I feel so that I don’t text you.
Your message has been read loud and clear. I will retreat into the shadows in which I came from and cease to exist in a world that has you in it. I will cast my soul into the pool of heathens and pray the one that selects me is kind. I was hoping to never return to this life after I met you but you have given me no choice and I hate that. I hate everything about the distance I am given, I hate the lack of words from you, I hate the fact that I have to wait because of someone else in this world hurt you. Don’t worry. I won’t wait too much longer, I will go back into the hell that I was born out of and know that is where I am supposed to be. I know that I was never meant for you and the world you brought me into. I will pull back and I will cry for the death of me has been daily and my ashes are scattered among the ruins of my heart. I will never again look to love you…I will never again hope to have love from you. I will return to the castle that I am and will forever be held captive in…good-bye my saddened heart, my hopeless days begin again…I never thought I would see this after meeting you but I should have known better…I should have realized that a child with hope is a death without grave.
Deep pools of dark waters. A place to drown myself in for hours. Seeing the reflections of a soul that holds a mystery in them. I am captivated by your eyes, entranced into a spell that no one else has been able to cast. There is a draw to you and there is a home in you. May I never cease to exist without you again.
The vastness of black space carried by the single light of two souls entangled in one another…a star will never compare to the brightness of the light given by the captured life created by these souls…when there is doubt there is a dim light in the distance that will continue to fade…believe in the existence of what we cannot understand…feel the emotions of the soul you are captivated by…do not fear the unknown…but walk into the light created by the souls divinely brought together.
You said I would know what I want when it hits me…well it took your absence to tell me that what I want…what I want is…YOU!
How is it that I can miss someone I have never met? How can a single month of conversation turn into only a month of conversation and a month of missing you? I have a connection to some awesome guy I met in mid-January and today it came to a head. I cried because I missed him. I can’t even tell him this…he needs the space he needs to heal the hurt he has been through…I respect that…I encourage that…but doesn’t mean I don’t miss him and miss him terribly.
I feel his energy, I feel his emotions, I even feel his ailments at times…why is this? I have been told by many, we are bound to together at the soul level and I believe this. It wasn’t until he left that I began to feel these sensations. To feel his bad days and his good…Sunday was draining…yes I could tell he was having a bad day and it showed on his Facebook…one who posts daily, wasn’t posting at all. I never thought I could have found the one I was looking for the day I was conceived..not conventional conception, but the conception of my soul…we are twin flames…does he know this? Not yet but he will in time, in time when we come together, in time when he has healed the open emotional wounds left by someone who didn’t care. It’s hard to see the suffering of someone you love but it has to be harder to feel the suffering of someone you have never met and have no idea how to find.
Time will heal him and time will bring us closer together and time will even give us the chance to fall in love…but it is also time that is crumbling me into an emotional mess of someone I am not used to being. I healed my wounds of hurt from someone else so I am ready to move forward but he is not and I will wait. I will sit here missing the awesome guy God created to be my other half and wait I must. I will not lower my standards in order to have someone in my life…I will never do that again. I know now the value of waiting and the value of life. My soul has given me the strength to heal him and draw him close.
Time is always a factor and though some of us don’t have a lot of it, I will spend my time wisely. Working on me, means I am working on you…music, writing, dreaming, meditating, and waiting…waiting for YOU!
shattered on the rocks of time…i lie awake and wonder why you abandoned this heart of mine…why did you think that walking away was a better solution than facing the fear of loving with me…you are the one that needs the help that was never provided to me…I want to be that safety net that you keep cutting out from under me..stop walking through this world with a jaded heart and glazed eyes…you will never know the world as i do because of her…she destroyed a perfectly beautiful soul and for what…her own demise…I will never forgive her for that…you are what this world called for and I will hold you dearly until my last breath…don’t go without saying good bye, don’t go without leaving me something behind…my half beating heart is not what I wanted…I want it to bleed red because of the love you instilled into it…