The red river that pours from my body is the beauty I seek. As life pours out of me you try to push it back in. A raven comes and seeks my soul as a drowns out the pain. I laugh as death swarms me and you cry because you’re losing me. I laugh because you lost me long ago and now is the time you seek me. You should have not waited so long for this world has swallowed me up and showed me that you are not the one.
I am broken inside, the pieces you mended, you crushed again. I can’t count on you, I can only count on me. The world knows my story and you won’t even open the book. Through heart felt dedication I will recapture me and give my love to another. I am meant to be happy, I am meant to show love, but you are the devil rising out of the fire. My soul you quench yourself with…no more, I will not allow you to break me more. I will pick up the pieces and I will mend myself. I can’t count on you and I never will look to you again for the love I deserve because you are incapable of giving it.
The shame of my existence is overwhelmingly tragic. You are robbing me of all my self worth. You plunge a knife into my heart with every word you say and every word you don’t. You love to torture me and you love to see how far you can push me but understand this one day I will not be there for you to push around… I need to hibernate and be away from you. The space that is required to find my true existence is bigger than 1500 miles. The healing you did with me, you are un doing. If you even cared about me for one minute you would understand the hurt and the pain you’ve caused me and the scars you have carved deeply into my soul. My heart is shattered, my life is no more, and I think you are glad for the pain you have given me. All she has left is her shame because that’s all you have given her.
We had each other’s hearts the moment we were created, we just didn’t know it yet…
You are my demon, you are my obsession. You are the one that stirs life into me. I cradle you and love you because even though it is evil that you stir me with, I know one day it will be good. I don’t want to change you my demon, I want to feed you, care for you, love you, worship you like a woman should. Today my demon you are quiet, you are distant, and you are vacating my life. Don’t worry my demon, you will always be welcomed back into my arms. You will always be allowed to disrupt my life. Because my demon, one day, I will quiet you and make you happy again and you can’t stay away from that. Until then my demon, work on your life so I can work on mine…soon we will merge and our love will bloom into something greater than either one of us could have imagined. I love you my demon…I love all of you.