Strength

enjoy_the_silence

You were right. I am strong…I don’t need you. I am doing great. Yeah I think about you still but there is no upset, no pain. I think that is because I am out from under your hold. I feel nothing, I’m not sad, and I have a smile on my face. I am working on weeding people out of my life right now and I think that scares you. Not that I’ll weed you out but of who is next. I am a strong person and have been my whole life. I am a risk taker and you were a risk I had to take. I found the peace I need to make sure my life is complete. I am about to embark on a new risk. One that will change me for the better and will hopefully bring in people that will take care of me. I’m tired and I too need help in life but I have the strength to carry on. Find new blood and wash away the old. You helped me find me, you helped me realize what I want, and you also helped me realize, there is something better in this world for me.

I hurt no more. I am no longer sad. I am working towards a life of happiness…Someday you may be apart of that but who knows what God has in store for me, I do know it is not longer the sadness I have been feeling. I did discover you are the source of my depression today. So having you gone will also bring me to be happiness again. Not complete happiness but I won’t have to feel the pain I felt under your spell. You dragged me around for a ride you were not willing to finish, instead you threw me out of the car window and let me land scrapped and bruised on the sidewalk. No real explanation as to why you do the things you do or why you left me with a heaviness in my chest. A true heaviness. Not one that is described to give someone the picture of what is going on. I am in a good place right now and it is because you left me…

I did get vindictive, I always said I was, I only went to one place that I think you shut the door on because I helped you do that but it felt great and it was what I needed to free myself from you. You suffocated me with your emotionless love. You only wanted to be friends on your terms. I wasn’t allowed to give you any terms. You made life the way you wanted it to be. You made sure I was close so I would stay for your pleasure and then you could abandon me when you were done. That is what you did, you abandon me. With the words “I need to move on, take care.” As close as we were, you really treated me badly at times. You knew I loved you so you probably felt it was OK to spit on me. I don’t need that anymore in my life. I am no longer taking care of the “you” in this world. It is about me now. I am pulling myself up, dusting off the harshness life has given me, and moving forward.

I am moving forward with the strength I didn’t know I had. You gave me that. So if there was one thing that came out of our journey, it was that I AM STRONG. I will overcome another obstacle in my life and I will be better for it. You said it all along but I never felt it until today, until now, until this very FUCKING MOMENT….I AM STRONG, I WILL CONQUER MY NEXT PART OF LIFE AND I WILL BE VICTORIOUS….with our without you, I WILL COME OUT ON TOP!

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